The White House

The White House

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


This would be the profile photo of my 42-year old ex-husband's Facebook page. 
cool plates????
It screams maturity.
Hate is such a strong word for such a nice guy.
You can't help but see these things in Facebook. 
You know how it is... your friend is his friends friend and it all comes back around to you.
Plus, FB is always suggesting I make him my friend.
I thought I tried that once or twice and it didn't work out.
And now there is that awkward shared friend deal.
What now?
It's okay everyone.  I love you.  You can unfriend me and support the hate. 
Whatever is the easiest for everyone involved.

I feel kind of bad.
I mean to say he's having a mid-life lashing out at the world crisis.
After multiple years of zero interaction with our sons
he's taking them to court to force them to live with him
Without asking them first.
They are 15 and 18.
They are angry and want me to engage in the battle. 
You know the one.
Where we all go to court and say the horrible truths about each other
and no one really wins.

I've been battling for the last 20 years
I am tired.
Why are humans so hostile?

If it was just me I'd walk.
I'd keep walking until my legs wouldn't walk anymore.
But it is my boys.
You know, the two you have read about here for years.
The two that are always with me.
The two that I would lay down and die for.
And considering the profile photo we know who that would make happy.
So sad.  He's got such a nice little wife who doesn't really need to listen to this crap.
Does anyone?
Who came up with the idea of hating someone into loving you?
I don't think it works.

So I'll do what the boys want me to do.
This isn't about me.
It's about them.
What they want.
If it doesn't end how they want we'll go to Plan B.
(That's a skateboard for those in the know.)
Not the contraception.

I know there are some readers who will feel bad and wish me the best.
It's going to be what it is. Can't change that.
Some of you will rejoice in our pain.
Don't trip. I might laugh when you do.
And some of you don't care.  That's probably the best bet.

Did I mention that I was tired?
All the anger is sad.
We could have continued to be the greatest parents ever with kids moving freely between our arms.
But there was just too much anger.
I'm glad it wasn't me because I have been the greatest parent and
 they are still in my arms.
For now.
And in my heart forever. 

Oh...and did I mention it is 26 freakin' below zero. 


FlowerLady said...

Dear Gayle ~ I do feel for you and your family, I can't help it. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Are there any court dates yet? Why is he fighting to take everyone back now?

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Lori Skoog said...

Gayle...this post explains a lot about what you have been going through. If it gets to court, it seems that the boys are old enough to explain what they would like. I'm sure you are not looking forward to this, nor are they. Hang on. Anger is so destructive...sorry you are going through all this.

gpc said...

Well poop. I heard on npr once that every woman has one past relationship that she can't think of without slapping her head, wondering "what was I thinking??', and doing the homer simpson 'doh!' (I have a couple of them, sigh)

It's terrible that this is happening but, at your son's ages, their wishes and opinions will count for a lot. Judges/hearing officers tend to want what's best for the kids, and an ugly parent is never best. One of the factors they always consider is whether the parent can foster a good relationship between the kids and the other parent. Print out his profile picture (before he removes it), it speaks volumes. Hang in there, this too will pass.

Momma Morgan said...

Wouldn't they be old enough to decide themselves where they want to live? How awkward would it be to move in with someone you hardly know....

Little Black Scrap Cat said...

Your sons are surely old enough to state where they want to be. Especially the 18 yr old. I can't see any judge changing your arrangement at this stage of the game. But I'll send my positive mojo your way. Along with a HUGE HUG!!!!! Hold them close to you!!

Stace said...

Both boys are old enough to be able to make the decision of where they want to live by themselves...according to the law anyway. Seems to me your ex is wasting his money by doing this...I mean..Nick is 18...what is he trying to prove?
Deep the end the boys KNOW who the parent is that actually cares about them and will go out on a limb for them. Try and get some rest..and stay warm. ((HUGS))

blondevue... said...

That plate should have been on another state, especially with Aloha State written on the bottom of it.
And it doesn't belong in the Golden Heart City either!
Love and LOTS of prayers headed your way!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Last time I knew HATE WAS NOT A FAMILY VALUE. I'll just wish you physical strength to get things done.

pattycakes said...

The plate speaks volumes!

Tara said...

:( I love ya'll. Praying this all goes QUICKLY and smoothly.

RottenMom said...

I am one of the many who "feel bad and wish you the best". Since you asked that we "don't" I won't.

Sending you and your family my LOVE.

Keep strong Mama Lion. Keep strong.


Lisa L said...

Awful. Just..awful. I have a friend who went through a similar thing...the ex just didn't want to keep paying child support and wanted the kids and then for my friend to pay *him* child support. It was all about the $$$. What a nightmare this is. I am so sorry.

Janie said...

This is one of the all-time horror stories of the unreasonable ex. Too bad the kids are having to go through this pain.

Tootie said...

It's been many years ago, but I went through something similar with my 3 daughters. At the time is was like the end of the world to me. But it all worked out, and now it's just one of those unpleasant memories. Like you mentioned, it only made them think less of him and love me more. Makes you wonder why they just can't see that. Of course, that would explain why they're dumb enough to do what they do and get themselves into the position they are in with their children. TOTALLY their loss! I suppose you have to feel sorry for people who are foolish enough to keep cutting their own throats. They have a very pitiful and sad life. These things always remind me of something I read a long time ago, the best thing you can do for your children is to LOVE their mother. His profile picture says it all. :( Sorry, just gotta say it; WHAT A JERK!

You live your life for your children, you are so strong and it's plain to see how much they love you, you'll do just fine!