My life hasn’t been easy by some standards. It has also been a fairy tale story compared to what so many more endure. That right there is why I forge on and try to let it go.
I could have it thousands times worse.
So my “whiny post” will be sprinkled with a photo shoot of my very young 12-year old daughter who looks far older (am I in trouble or what?).
I have endured twenty…that’s 20…years of mental abuse. physical abuse. intimidation. humiliation.heart ache. hardships.financial troubles.disbelief.
And sprinkled in all that have been the sweetest smiles of love just like this one.
I have been blessed beyond belief with five children who have brought so much joy to my life. Tears as well, but I would not trade them.
All the a-for-mentioned sadness has been triple-fold since I left the source of aggravation eight years ago. My husband, Homer, has brought me and my children more joy than we deserve.
O.M.G. isn’t she beautiful?!!!
Ya…and she’s had enough of the photo shoot.
With all that I have (and my kids have) gone through I swear this week is one of our worst. Horrible lies have been told (in legal documents) about us and about my deceased father (who was my world) who can’t speak up. I’m devastated. My kids are angry. When the judge tells me that it is wrong for me to do anything to influence how my children feel about their father I take those words to heart. I cannot help what he does to increase their negativity towards him. That is his own doing.
Today was a worthless non-productive day. I felt the pressures of the mounting medical debt from my son’s accident (over $15K all in my name…tells you how much insurance covered!). I felt angry over trying to protect my children from their father’s hatred. I longed for my father who passed when I was far too young. I was pissed that my husband has to work so hard so we can scrape by supporting “my” children while the other lives the good life. (side note… he considers them his own as he has been the only father figure in their lives for half their lives). Still doesn’t take away my guilt.
I am PISSED that I wasted a perfectly hot summer day on stupid legal shit… having to provide proof of his lies is tedious…but done.
As I lay myself down to sleep tonight I pray my children have a “smoother” life than I have had… and yet, still, I cannot complain as it could have been worse. T.H.I.S is sad… when three of your children have vowed to never have children of their own so they don’t have to go through the same shit…. you just want to cry. And I do.
Okay…pity party over for those who made it this far. I will pull myself up by the boot straps tomorrow and make up for a waste of today.
How’s that coolarcticfox???