Did you know that if a legal motion is made you can be forced to fill out 14 pages (plus 4 additional "explanation pages") detailing the amount of cash in your pocket, what you pay, who you owe, what you have, what you do, where you've been, every medication you've administered to your children their entire lives, who they've seen or talked to, what specialists they go to, test they've taken, help they've gotten, what your past was like, how you live in the present, what you wish for the future, your hopes, fears, concerns, AND you have to sign a release giving every single breathing individual on this planet who thinks they know what you do, think, eat, wear or feel permission to discuss their opinions of you and your family for AN ENTIRE YEAR with the legal system? AND if you don't fill out the forms or sign the release a judge is going to force you to anyhow with the opinion that you are not being cooperative? Do you know how much time, energy, and emotion that can suck out of you? I do.
I do not fancy the idea of telling anyone how much cash I have in my pocket. Or what I could "sell" to have more. Giving permission to every Joe Blow who says they know me, but really don't, to say anything they want about me or my family for the next year of my life is a ridiculous concept in itself. Would you want to give me permission to do that with you? Or how about the guy next door who sees you collect your newspaper or go for a walk or the person three cubicles down? Do they really know you? Doesn't matter. They can have an opinion, make a legal statement and affect your entire life from that day forward.
Do you know that any time during this long, invasive process you can suspend the "investigation" and come to a mutual agreement without exposing your entire family to a painful process? Well, you can. If that "you" is the person who kicked the ball and started it rolling down hill to begin with. If you are the "you" that would rather reach compromises without strangers it isn't an option to stop. You just keep rolling with the ball. Just like that game of Plinko on The Price is Right...you never know where it will land, who will win and who will be disappointed (or hurt) along the way.
Personally, I would not chose to hurt anyone (even people I didn't get along with) nor would I want strangers to decide the direction of any one's lives nor would I want to broadcast and permanently record our lives for anyone to know. But that's just me.
So instead I am forced to reveal things I've kept private for almost 20 years, involve people who don't need to be involved, be immersed in painful words I've kept silent for so long (and would continue to do so to make every one's lives better). I'm left with no choices. I can only pray that the ball stops rolling and compromises are come to before more painful memories are made. I would rather suck up my hurt than hurt anyone around me so I'll just keep praying that becomes an option.
On the flip side :) we got out the water boots. Emily wanted to go out and crack the thin ice, but when she did she got her feet wet so out came the tote.