The White House

The White House

Monday, June 21, 2010

Rained Tears Until the Sun Came Out

Yesterday Olivia and Lucas helped Dad open some gifts. He got some new BBQ tools and we are getting him a new BBQ as well. I told him he has to help pick it out though. I tend to get more than we really need.

Here's my big load of dirt. Put some in a new garden bed, finished filling the trench in the ditch, some for a new bed along the greenhouse and the rest went on a tarp until I am ready for it. The boys even helped with all the shovelling and that was a big bonus.

There's my sweetie. Even on Father's Day he worked around the yard.

Today I caught Lucas sweeping the concrete all on his own. So sweet. Emily brushed her sister's hair. Em has a very sensitive head and understands the need to be gentle. Olivia appreciates her doing it more than me.

The girls get in the pool several times a day. The cold doesn't seem to bother them at all!

Look....yesterday morning while it was raining something awful Dad finished hauling the water and now it's full!

Finally finished planting the Tidal Wave Petunias along the fence. Planted 98 of them entirely too close to each other I am sure, but it should look beautiful if the sun ever shines so they can grow. This is the rainy summer. Since I've been gardening it seems to be an every other year thing. The year we put the garden it and got married I don't think it rained a day. Then the next summer that is all it did was rain. Last summer was hotter than heck and now this summer is cold and and wet. Guess I have next year to look forward to!

Look at those three rose buds all together! I am so glad my lilac bush is blooming this year.

I call this my Louisiana rock (and its other half).

Today was downright horrible. Nothing in particular happened today, but the weight of all the awful things my family has endured the last couple of years squished me. Flat. I cried all day about everything. Cried while I planted. Cried when I took photos. Cried when the boys and I had an argument. Cried that I couldn't buy them some things they want. Cried that things have been so hard on us lately. Cried out of anger and frustration towards the people that want to hurt us. Cried on the phone for an hour to my niece who was sweet enough to listen.

I had such a headache.

Then my husband came home. He hugged me and simply said, "There is nothing that will ever come between us".

Then I cried some more.

I got into a raft and floated in the hot sun (that finally came out) for over an hour. Dad napped in his hammock. The three youngest swam in the pool. No talking, no photos, no worries. Just let things melt away in the heat of the sun.

I know I have so much to be thankful for. I have five great kids who live with us and another son who visits every week. I have my home and my hobbies. I have the most wonderful husband in the world. I have so much. But today I cried for what we don't have.

After our down time I knew I needed to find something to snap me out of this place I was at. I took just Em and we went to watch Nicholas play soccer. We took photos, talked, laughed and listened to music on YouTube on my phone. In that two hours I found my happy place again. The place where I can be thankful for my kids who love us dearly. For my family that is strong. The place where the bad stuff doesn't touch us. I know that we cannot control the selfishness of others. We cannot control what others do. Or say. Or don't say. We can only control how we react to it all.

So hopefully I cried it all out and will be good for another year. :)

Tonight I found something I love more than anything...watching this kid have fun.

And this beautiful girl made it all better, too. Nothing compares to the love between a mom and her daughter. Or son. Or other daughter. Or other son. Or another son. Or even another son. I am so blessed.


FlowerLady said...

Dear Gayle ~ Sometimes a good cry just lets all the pent up emotions out.

It looks like you had some good times in spite of the tears.

Look at that pile of rich dirt. No wonder you grow such great things.

Love, hugs and smiles to you.


gpc said...

Many of us, maybe all of us?, have a pit of dark pain that forces us to our knees now and then. I understand why some people are crippled by it. It's harder to understand how some people, like you, are able to smush the pain back down and make a wonderful life despite it all. You are so open to love and willing to put in the day-to-day work of it. I think that openness, and the wonderful husband it brought you, are the secret to your salvation. No one's life is pain free, but it sounds like you've had more than your fair share and are due for a good long time of smooth sailing!

Tara is: said...

You are so Blessed, Gayle! And we all need days like that. Please don't hesitate to e-mail me if you need to vent. I know we're SO FAR away from each other and that we both have so many kids demanding our time, but I do love ya and I care so much for you all. I'm never too far from the computer ;)

Lori Skoog said...

What a sweet and tender post. You said it all.

Little Black Scrap Cat said...

My heart reaches out to you! You are so strong. You have such a lovely family and home, and it makes me sad that anyone would want to disrupt that. I wish you lived next door to me!! We would have so much fun! Hold your family close. Keep your chin up. Together nothing can bring you all down!!! HUGS!!!!!!

Bonnie said...

We all have breakdowns even in the best of times. Mother's load alot on themselves.

You are so allowed a good cry.

I am glad to hear your restored.

Corey~living and loving said...

what a touching post. my heart went out to you and all your tears. sometimes we just need to get them out, and move on.

RottenMom said...

Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to have a good cry and get it all out.

I am sorry for the rough times that you have had.

I love that you are willing to be so honest and true with your words on the pages of your blog. The love and respect you have for your children and your husband is so evident.

When I read the chapters of your life, I feel like I am reading the greatest love story ever told.


Patty said...

(((((( Gayle ))))))

thecrazysheeplady said...

{{{hug}}} We all know there are days like that. And they suck. And then (usually) are over.

Janie said...

Your flowers and your pool are looking good, but you're right, it's family that's the most important, and the only refuge that can really offer a lasting happiness.