The White House

The White House

Saturday, April 4, 2009

You're Gonna Miss This Moment

Babies become children, children become teens, teens become young adults. Eventually, they all leave home. (Well, most of them do).

When they go there may be a bed such as this.
Empty. Alone. Sad.

For five years I had the privilege of raising a boy that was not mine from birth. From 11 to 16 I was his mother. There were many Christmases, birthdays, Easters, Halloweens to be celebrated. Photographed. Remembered.


I had the privilege of sharing some of the big years in a child's life....the transition from elementary to middle school, middle school to high school. There were many "firsts": first girlfriend, first social, first middle school team, first high school team. The list is long.


We were very busy during those five years. Many hours spent in the car driving to hundreds of practices became a chance to talk. Many hours spent at the rink or the court or the track or the field watching games, cheering loudly. A chance to be proud.

I had the opportunity to expose that boy to a wide variety of things he had never tried before. Now he can say, "I've done that".
He had the opportunity to show me that being a step-mother could feel normal.

That boy became a teenager. Now that teenager is becoming a young adult. Five years have flown by. Really.




I always knew there would be a day when his bed would be left empty.
I knew the day would come when he would become that young adult, go out into the world and make his place. A day to be remembered. A day to be proud.




I did not know this day would come too soon. Before I was ready. Before he was ready.



I have stood in the empty bedroom looking out this window. It doesn't matter how long I pause. How long I wait. He's not going to come back up that driveway. He's not going to come back to the bed that has been waiting.




Somewhere along the journey things got muddled. At one time our relationship was closer than any of the other children. After five years of love and hugs and tears and laughter, his biological mother returned. (That's another story for another day).


A wedge was hammered in at a speed to fast to stop.


In a whirlwind he was gone.



One of the things I was so proud of was how he put everything he had into whatever he was doing. He worked so hard at his grades, gave everything to a relationship as a friend or boyfriend, was the best big brother to the little ones, gave his all to whatever sport he was playing.


It's always been all or nothing.

He's given his all.

He's left us with nothing.

So the bed has been empty, waiting for a change of heart.

He's chosen to make this permanent. Legal. To take it all and leave nothing.

We are no longer his guardians. He chose to sever the legal ties and give the last few years of his minor life to his mother and his grandparents.

For five years I woke up to that smiling face almost every single day. I fully gave him my love. I have a heart full of memories. Memories that cannot ever be taken away.

We may never see him. We may never talk to him. His brothers and sisters may forget him.

I'll still miss those moments.

All or nothing.


Pam brings us the "You're Gonna Miss This Moment" meme. Go and see what everyone else is missing.

20 comments:

Snowbird said...

Aw, Gayle, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how much it hurts. He may have left you for now, but I bet there will come a day--perhaps when he is an adult--when he will come back and hug you and say "Thanks for all you did for me and gave me and taught me." Just hold on to that and to the great memories you have of him from when he was with you.

Hugs!!!!

Anonymous said...

All I want to do right now is give you a great big hug. I know how much this hurts. I'm sorry you're family has to feel this pain. Things will get better, it will just take time. *gives you the biggest internet bear hug imaginable*

Tara said...

Gayle, I am so SO SO sorry. I can't begin to imagine your pain, but I know it's 10x worse than my own missing a beloved step child, and that means you must nearly be crippled, so I'm SO VERY SORRY. I will be praying for your whole family and I wish I were there to give you a real hug. I'm sorry.

Janie said...

That must be heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. But you gave him all you could, and I'm sure he'll appreciate that someday, if not today.

Carrie said...

That must be hard to see his empty room, but hope that you can remember all the great times spent there :) I'm sure he feels that his biological mother deserves some of that time, but I don't know the situation. He will surely NOT forget all that you've done for him, for making him the wonderful young man he is now! You've helped shape him into that, and you should feel so blessed that he will make the right choices in life, thanks to you and your family! Good luck and God bless :) I hope to come back and check on how things progress...especially the one who will be getting his lisence soon! {I read down to some previous posts!}

Alice In Wonderland Rocks said...

As tears are in my eyes as I write this please know I'm so sorry for what you & your family are feeling/going through. I wish somehow I could make it better but remember this,I truly believe that there will be a day he will come back & thank you for all the love you have given him. It might not be next month but it will happen.
Kids don't forget who has shown them the truest love & compassion in life. My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family :)

Amanda said...

I'm not quite sure what to say, other than what's been said. I'm sorry for everything. I just hope that as an adult he realizes what he's missed out on. It's hard when parents divorce, and you don't fully realize what you've given up until it's too late and you can't go back. I just hope he realizes this sooner than later! HUGS!!!

Kim@Snug Harbor said...

Gayle, I feel bad for you and the pain you are experiencing. Obviously this is a very hard time for you. It must hurt you a lot. I am going to tell you something that has helped me. I believe that God puts angels on earth to help people. Sometimes we need an angel and somebody suddenly shows up and helps us work thru something. But occasionally, WE are the angels. Maybe you spent 5 wonderful years helping your stepson at a time when HE needed an angel in his life. For now, your work could be done. Hopefully, someday, he will come back into your lives when the time is right.

Pattycakes said...

Well said Gayle, and I know you mean every word of it times infinity.

Pam said...

oh man Gayle... i am so sorry... i am so sorry... i am so sorry... (((HUGS)))

anymommy said...

My heart is breaking for you. I hope he realizes how much better life would be for him in the middle. I know you'll be there for him when he does.

KEE said...

Oh how my heart breaks for you also. Reguardless of the circumstances, whether leaving was right or wrong for him it still does not make it any easier or less devasting.

You gave him 5 years of your life, love, attention and caring probably always wondering in the back of your mind if he would always stay but you gave unselfishly anyway and that is a beautiful thing.

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for you, with you. One more test of a mothers heart. Stay strong and keep loving as hard as you do. Hugs.

B said...

Many hugs my friend and prayers for healing and understanding.

You wrote beautifully what is in your heart. He wont' forget you...right now it may seem like he just want's to go but you instilled something in him and it will stick.

You did what you could when you could.

Hugs

Little Black Scrap Cat said...

What can I possibly say that hasn't been said?? My thoughts are with you!! He was a very lucky boy!!

Unknown said...

You gave him a great start,and he gave youmemories of great times.Just always keep those memories at the forefront.He will return one day.Trust me.He knows he was loved by you.And theday he returns,he will probably be a secure man.You gave him that start.As parents,that's all we can really do,anyways.Have faith.

Nellie said...

Dear Gayle,
I surely can understand your heartbreak, but your wonderful memories will keep you strong and always remember that his own mind and heart will never forget your love.

You're such a special Mom!

*HUGS*
Barb:-)

Renee said...

My heart goes out to you.

((Hugs))

Corey~living and loving said...

Post like these always mean so much. I appreciate your transparency in it. My heart hurts for your sadness, and I hope that time will change what is.....to what you would hope for.
hugs!

Carla said...

You made me smile, I, too was blessed to raise a stepson. I was just thinking as our youngest of five, graduates this year, and has given us woes, that the stepson was the hardest. Don't be so sure its a done deal, you don't know what the future holds, and children grow up, and never really forget who loved them. The one who loves them still. Even if he can't say it. I promise:)
With love, Carla stepmom to Mike now 21 and holder of my heart